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Hi, My name is Maria, I am the
fundraiser for the forget me not
suite, this is my story.
Nothing can prepare you for the
loss of your child, and I know
how hard it is to explain to
people how the loss can be so
great when others have never met
the reason for your profound
grief.
We lost our precious little girl
almost 19 years ago, though at
times it still feels like
yesterday. Even now, not a day
goes by when we don’t think of
Laura, some days are harder than
others but through my work as
Fundraising & Events Assistant
with the Sands (Stillbirth and
neonatal death charity) and my
efforts to raise funds and
awareness for the Forget-me-not
Bereavement Suite, I finally
feel able to look forward rather
than back, to be thankful for
what I “have” now and not always
think about what I “should have”
and for the first time feel
confident enough to tell my
‘story’ and my experience of
losing a child.
When our daughter Laura was
stillborn in 1988, Dean and I
were very young. On my
eighteenth birthday, we were
busy looking forward to Laura’s
impending birth and trying to
get sorted as best we could in
order to be as ready as
possible. A few days later, we
went to the hospital for a
routine check up and everything
seemed fine. Then 2 days later,
I realised that I hadn’t felt
Laura move as often as she had
been moving. I checked my
kick-chart and realised that she
hadn’t moved much since the
previous evening. I decided to
go to the hospital to have my
mind put at rest, to be told my
baby was fine, sadly upon
examination, the Midwife said
the words that any expectant
parents dread – “I’m sorry, your
baby is dead!”. We were totally
devastated. It felt like the
bottom had dropped out of our
world!. We kept asking Why us?
Why Laura? Why not someone else?
Sadly we know all too often that
it wasn’t only us and that many
other parents-to-be also suffer
on hearing the same words.
Our experience, from hearing
those heart-stopping words, to
going through labour and
childbirth with no beautiful,
healthy baby to cuddle
afterwards was the most
unbearable pain that to this day
I could never explain to anyone.
Our beautiful baby daughter
Laura Joanne Byrne entered this
world at 34 weeks on 13th
February 1988 at 08.34am. But
worse, if that’s possible, was
to come – I was taken to a side
room on the main labour ward,
pushed in a wheelchair through
the open ward where delighted
mums and dads were cuddling
their lovely newborn babies,
hearing the sound that I had
desperately wanted to hear from
my own baby – the sound of a
newborn baby crying.
Thankfully, nowadays in Basildon
and Thurrock, whilst there is
still far too many parents going
through the incredible pain and
torment of the loss of a baby,
and indeed sometimes multiple
losses, they no longer have to
endure the suffering of sharing
a ward with other successful new
mums and dads.
We did not for one minute think
that we would have to face yet
more grief, yet some years later
we found out the hospital had
kept back some of Laura’s tissue
samples. Whilst it was
extremely upsetting to find out
that some tissue samples had
been kept without our knowledge
or consent we were truly
thankful and relieved none of
her major organs had been kept.
In February 2004 we decided to
have a small prayer at her
graveside and have her tissues
buried with her. Laura is buried
at Chadwell-St-Mary Cemetery and
we regularly visit her taking
flowers and gifts, it is our
very special place. God Bless
her.
Throughout my experience, the
never-ending support and love of
Dean has got me through some
difficult times and without him
and our Beautiful daughter
Danielle who was born in April
1992, I really don’t feel that I
would have achieved all that I
have today.
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