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The beginning of the
‘Forget-Me-Not story’……..
My name is Karla Cairns and the
story of the ‘Forget-me-Not’
starts here…. I was pregnant
with our fifth daughter and had
my 20 weeks scan at Basildon
hospital and was told there was
fluid around the baby’s
abdomen. After four good
pregnancies this was an awful
shock to my husband, Kevin and
me. I was then referred to
Professor Kipros, at Kings’
College Hospital in London.
After scans and many tests it
was later defined that my
daughter (whom we decided to
call GRACE ELLEN) needed two
blood transfusions, whilst still
in my womb! This was an awful
worry and all I wanted was for
my daughter to be born safe.
This was NOT to be! At almost
24 weeks I went into labour,
gave birth to our precious
daughter number five and sadly
she died the day she was born,
on 10 November 1992.
Our grief was intense! My
sister Lannette wrote a poem
called ‘Forget-me-Not’ and
dedicated this to Grace. At the
same time, my Bereavement
Midwife, Jenny Burton, who was
my ‘saving Grace’ wanted to open
a special ‘room’ at Basildon
Hospital, especially for parents
who had lost their babies at
birth, but the Hospital did not
have the relevant funding for
this. Our task had begun!
We helped raise money for the
room…we soon had new curtains,
bedding, tea and coffee
facilities, outfits for
stillborn babies (my wonderful
mum knits outfits for this and
donates them to the hospital)
and a ‘special place’ for
parents to grieve with their
babies.
Kevin and myself did not have
this choice! We were left alone
with Grace for such a short
time. We did not want to leave
her there, but because of
jurisdiction and because she was
born under 24 weeks, we could
not have a proper place of rest
for our Grace!
We was devastated when the
hospital phoned to say that
‘Grace’s ashes ‘were somewhere
at Corbett’s Tey in Upminster’,
this was unreal! Our family
visited the ‘plot’ we thought
Grace was laid to rest, but this
was uncertain and not good
enough! She deserved more than
this.
Jenny Burton and myself were on
a mission. Fund raising,
letters, phone calls, it was
horrendous! I did sponsor ‘hair
cuts’, karaoke, it was ongoing!
We needed to raise thousands to
‘open’ a special plot at
Basildon Cemetery, and my wish
came true in September 2001
whereby we had a relevant plot
for parents to put plaques for
their babies who did not survive
life….we had Doves flying and a
wonderful ‘service’…there is a
special garden that overlooks a
field and I know without Grace
this would never have
happened…..sadly since then
Jenny Burton has passed away but
she has left such wonderful
memories for the ‘Forget-me-Not’
garden, it could not have
happened without her sole
involvement, and her support to
us.
The story does not end there!
We have set up a support group
for parents who have suffered
the same. fate, we meet up at
Laindon Community Centre once a
month and we have just grown
from strength to strength! We
are a registered charity and are
currently raising funds, and
this will continue.
Our Grace would have been 14
years old this November and for
every year of her life we
celebrate on 10 November her
birthday. We celebrate with
candles, cards, and flowers, her
life was not in vain, without
her the ‘Forget-me-Not’ charity
would never have started, she
was a special wanted baby and
will never be forgotten….the
garden is a wonderful special
place…our Grace is always an
Angel and without her this work
would not have happened. So many
bereaved families have benefited
through the hard work to make
our dream!
I
would like to thank my husband
Kevin for his ongoing support,
my wonderful daughters, Hayley,
Jessica, Abbi, Ella-Rose and my
baby born after Grace,
Lilly-Rose. Also my mum and
dad, my sister Lannette, and my
dear friend Jo who has been the
back-bone for the
‘Forget-me-Not’ support group,
and not forgetting my dear
friends Brenda & John, for
without them I would not have
coped. I thank all of them for
believing this would all happen.
God Bless,
Karla Cairns
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